Confessions

In all the blogs I read all the moms present this perfect version of their lives.  I hate this.  No ones kitchen ever looks spotless after letting a bunch of toddlers finger paint with home made paint.  Who do they think they're kidding?  Life is not ever that neat and clean.  I am sorry if you all ever get that impression because my life gets messy and ugly.  With that in mind I feel the need to share it with you today.  A confession of sorts ☺

~It's Sunday.  I am still feeling extremely sleepy and a bit lazy but must be here at work.  I am typing this blog between helping medics sign drugs & stuff in and out for their day and setting up for the rest of my day.  I am positive I can hear my pillow still crying because I had to get up and leave ;)

~I like to sleep in.  And as I was heading to bed last night (early because I had to work) and complaining that I hate the long work week because I miss him...hubby informed me that he would stay home and sleep in with me on Monday as he gave me a good night kiss before returning to watch more TV.  I love the thought of sleeping in snuggled up next to him and can't wait to get to go home and get to sleep tonight so I can sleep in tomorrow.

~It's a holiday weekend, but with the work schedule I have I rarely ever remember holidays until I am pulling into the bank on a Monday (my normal day off) and looking around at the empty lot thinking "oh yeah...holidays.  I remember those"  Don't get me wrong.  I don't miss working there and getting holidays off because the schedule I work here I get 5 days in a row every other week off work.  I love this schedule. I just hate not remembering before I drive up there.

~I do read lots of other blogs.  Its what I do, like watching reality TV kind of.  and the one thing that I see in every one of them is how they seem to have all their shit together.  Just once I would like to feel like I have my shit together.  Is that too much to ask?

~I love being on the motorcycle with Stephen.  I get extremely grumpy when I haven't gotten to go.  Just a short ride to the lake is enough to make me happy again and I think he knows this because when I have been extra cranky he out of the blue offers to take me on a ride.  I do love that he knows me so well.

~My girls make me crazy.  I know it seems harsh, but they are teenage girls and they're at this place in their lives that they think I know NOTHING!  They're pretty good for the most part and I love spending time with them.  But the last week or two they are being typical teen girls and I just want to lock them in their rooms until they are 30.  Because that's when we all (girls) realize mom knew what she was talking about after all right?

~I grew up with 2 very best friends who both moved away and I ended up meeting a 3rd best friend after meeting Stephen nearly 20 years ago.  I love them all like they are sisters God forgot to give me.  I hate that I don't see them as much as I would like.

~And I feel as if I have lost one of them almost completely.  I think about it everyday in one way or another.  I don't know what happened, or when it happened all I know is she never really calls anymore and we never talk.  When I ask what's going on or what can be done to fix things I get "idk...we're just busy with life I guess"    I don't get it.  I tell my self to stop worrying about it, but worry is what I do best.  Wish I didn't care so damn much.

~I am not homesick because we are home, they moved away, they chose to leave and I hate it.  I love the lake but hate they live an hour and a half away from me.  I miss my parents.  I feel guilty when I realize that I haven't called or seen them in a while but also think "they both have my number if they wanted to hear from me they could call me too"  or I think "well on one of their many trips to visit with other family 5 miles up the road they could shoot me a text an let me know they are near.  I would drop everything and go see them."

~I hate that everyone gives us so much crap for buying a new motorcycle.  Before we went down and got the new bike the only thing other than our house payment we had to pay was utilities. So I feel like if hubby wants to spend the money he works for every day on a new motorcycle then so be it.  He works hard and he deserves it.

~I really like the way he looks on his Harley (kinda has the bad ass biker look) so I really don't care what everyone is saying about the bike ;)

~I Love the summer time and am very sad that it is coming to an end.  I wish that summer lasted from March to October and we could have fall in November, then snow...lots and lots of snow from December 1st until January 31st and when we wake up on February 1st it would be gone and we could have one short month of spring the we get a long summer again.

~I miss "back in the day" when everyone in the family took vacation together by going to the lake all at the same time and everyone shared one spot and we all just had fun.  What happened to those days?

~In a parking lot I refuse to walk between two vans/suv's because I am worried someone will steal me-they would probably pay to give me back but still I don't like it.

~My brother and I don't get along like we should.  I hate this because I feel like the relationship between my nieces and myself suffers because of it.

~I am afraid of the dark.  Not really the dark but the idea of what could be lurking in the dark.  I must have a flashlight(porch or security light of some sort) when going outside in the dark.  And sadly I have passed this fear to my poor baby. (sorry Val)

~I love chocolate!  It doesn't really matter what you put chocolate on or in I want to try it.  OK not bugs or bacon but you get it.  I am a fat girl because I love chocolate (and hate exercise)

~If I post song lyrics on facebook as my status it's because they make me think of someone in my life if not myself.   So if you ever see that now you know.



OK Well I have so many things I could confess but will keep it short for now.


I love you all.
Have a great day, and enjoy your holiday tomorrow.

Always,
tammyc