Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Oh how quickly it fades

Its crazy how quickly one can go from having the best Christmas season to having a not so great season.  I posted last that my Christmas spirit was at a new high.  That I had all these awesome plans to finish up shopping and spend the rest of the days before Christmas just baking and having a great time.  Well as usual, nothing ever really goes the way it should...

I was sleeping quite well last Wednesday night only one more day of work before 5 off in a row.  I had huge plans to spend all that time with my girls and Stephen, maybe drive over and spend some time with mom and dad at their new "lake house" (aka their 5th wheel in an RV park on the lake)  They love it there and I haven't really gotten to see it in the daylight.  As it is always dark when Ive been to pick up Val & Britt.  Anyway...Sleeping pretty good when my phone started ringing, in the middle of the night (12:21 to be exact)  My phone never rings at that time of night unless something is wrong.  Mom was on the other end telling me that she and dad were at the hospital and that dad was having a hard time breathing.  I didn't wait to get off the phone before I was up getting dressed and letting her know she wouldn't be alone long that I was on my way.  (they weren't going to call anyone except dad said "better call tammy, she'll be mad)  Well yeah! 

upon arriving at the hospital we were told (by mom & dad)  It's nothing really probably just a respiratory infection or pneumonia.  Well after listening to what the Dr had to say and to his symptoms turns out it was far worse than that.  Congestive heart failure.  He was taken to the bigger hospital and there they sent him to the cath lab to see what exactly they were dealing with.  Time stood still.  For those that don't know me well my dad was the #1 guy in my life for 20 years (Stephen came along and I made room for both of them)  I am a true daddy's girl, in every form of the phrase.  I would do anything for him as he would for me. (or the granddaughters)  He has always been my rock.  My go to guy for any question that I couldn't answer or didn't like the answer someone else would give me.  He's my dad he is tough, strong and knows everything about everything.  (he has a hard head too) 

Well here I am a week after that night time phone call and he is doing well.  He had to have a triple bypass.  I don't know that I have ever really worried as much as I did this past week.  I know it was almost a year ago that we were in a similar situation with mom, but hers went so much quicker, we knew in about a day what was wrong and what needed to be done to fix it.  With dad it seemed to take forever! 

I don't know what has happened to me in the past few years, but I have become so cynical so "the glass is half empty" so negative.  I know when everyone would say, just have faith your dad will be ok.  the doctors know whats going on, trust God.  I would answer "I know"  and I do.  But something inside would not let go and let me fully believe that he would be ok.  I did not relax and believe it until after surgery on Monday and I got to see he was ok with my own eyes.  It was then that I went home and slept for what seemed like forever (its amazing what 14 hours sleep will do)  but because of all the stress I still felt so exhausted.

Its been a couple of days and dad is looking great, he is still in ICU but the hopes of him getting his own room back on a floor soon is looking good.  I am so thankful to God that dad did listen to his body and took himself to the hospital because honestly I'm not sure what life is going to be like without him.  But Thankfully this is not the time I have to worry about that.  He and mom will need to make some changes to their lifestyle but I believe they will be here for quite some time.

as for my Christmas spirit well it's still there...buried inside under the stress and sleepless nights and I am not sure it will make it back to the surface this year (I didn't even get to do my Christmas shopping for my girls) and baking well that isn't really going to happen either I'm afraid.  I will be spending as much time as I can at the hospital keeping my mom and dad company.  I don't even know if we get to be out of the hospital for Christmas yet or not.  Dad is a fighter and he is determined not to be in there at Christmas. so prayers please that we can sit around our Christmas tree at home opening gifts as a big family. (wonder if the girls like what I got them...wonder what I got them)  ;)

Today so many things are swimming in my head that I want to tell you  and all the things I want talk about, but I guess I will take it one day at a time.  Maybe I will get it all on here before I forget or find something else to share.
Thanks for reading

I wish you the best Christmas!

tammy c

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